About This Book:
Imagine a magical doll that makes your job chance bigger, or fulfils your dreams. If you had received such a piece, you would surely have taken it, right? But regrettably, there is no such pudding. But, the good news is that you can take more effective things than that and that is emotional intelligence. In this book, you will learn how to express your emotions in a healthy way, by understanding the feelings of yourself and others.
Who can learn from this summery?
• Employee and manager
All kinds of people
About author:
Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves are co-authors of the book "Emotional Intelligence 2.0" and "Leadership 2 .0". He is also the co-founder of a consultancy agency called TalentSmart. This agency gives emotional intelligence tests and training to Fortune 500 companies. Both authors have done P.HD in industrial-organizational psychology.
Let's We Start Summary:
introduction:
- What do you think is the formula for success?
- Do you think there is only one reason behind this?
- Can you build a relationship for success?
- Is there a place for your feelings in your career?
In this book, you will know why the average IQ (intelligence quotient) has a better performance 70% of the time than the high IQ ones. It is very surprising that only 20% of the times people with high IQ have been able to beat the average IQ.
The reason behind this is that people may have more intelligence, but it is not necessary that they also have emotional intelligence. There are four dimensions to EQ (emotional intelligence). This is self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.
In Self -awareness, you will understand why it is important for you to connect with your emotions. With self-management, you will learn how important it is to be self-aware.
In social -awareness, you will realize how wrong the way you were listening and understanding the people before. Finally, from relationship management, you will see how many benefits you get by connecting these four dimensions together.
Working on yourself can be very confusing. You do not know what is your thing that needs improvement. Understanding your emotional intelligence will help you in this. This book will make you identify with your EQ and you will become a better person.
What is emotional intelligence?
Long ago, people thought that having a high IQ level alone was enough for success. If you are very smart, then companies will definitely put you on the job. However, a lot of study results turned out to be confusing. It was revealed that people with high IQ performed only 20% better than average IQ people.
Researchers were very surprised that people with average IQ beat high IQ people 70% of the time. After many years of research, it came to know that Emotional intelligence (EQ) has a big hand in the success of any human being.
Emotional intelligence means the ability to recognize and accept the feelings of oneself and others. EQ, using this awareness, helps improve your relationship and behaviour. Now that you have come to know that Emotional intelligence is also something, now you will wonder why it is needed?
If you want to do a job, you will need to work on your EQ and, when it comes to handling your relationship, then EQ is also important that. A study of some authors found that emotional intelligence is the "foundation" of many important skills. You can consider EQ as a tree that has its leaves - communication, empathy, time management, etc.
EQ is so important because when it comes to the job performance of a man, 58% of the time success is due to it. Your emotional intelligence can make you and even spoil you. If you want to be successful and satisfied, then first you have to work on your emotional intelligence skills. In the following chapters, we will discuss the four dimensions of EQ.
The Emotional Intelligence's First Dimension: Self-Awareness
When you are self-aware, you can understand what you are feeling in every situation. Spending time thinking about your emotions is called working on self-awareness. what makes you angry? What makes you happy? You need to understand why some things make us react. If you take some time to understand yourself, then you will be surprised how much you can know.
Imagine a case, let's say your day in office was very bad because your boss blamed you for missing a deadline. You try to control your anger. You want to shout at your boss because it was not your fault, it was the fault of the person working with you. Before you could say anything, the boss fired you and, by the time you reach your house, your face is red with anger.
Then, you see your child playing in the mud. Shouts at him and says that he is messing himself up. The child cries because he is scared to see your anger. On a typical day, you do not get angry on this matter at all. As soon as you realize this, you begin to feel anxious that whenever something goes wrong in your office, you throw anger at your child.
If you want to practice self-awareness in this situation, then you have to check whether what you are doing is right or not. You know that there was no mistake in your child. You will understand through self-awareness what you should do right in this situation.
If you have self-awareness, then you will be able to work on yourself in a healthy way. You will not be afraid to understand your emotions, and you will know how to deal with them when needed. As far as you can stop emotions, they stay there. If you are always afraid, but you do not know the reason for this, then in this way you will lose a lot of opportunities. Something similar happens when anger dominates you. If you know about the bad parts of your feelings then only then you will be able to do something about it and you will be able to get your full potential.
The authors of this book, along with other research people, created an Emotional Intelligence Appraisal Test. It helps you to know your EQ better and gives a score on the areas in which you are good and also in which you need to work.
Dave is a Regional Service Manager and his score was 95 on the Emotional Intelligence Appraisal Test. This means that he is in touch with his EQ. But initially, Dave's scores were not so high, but whatever steps were needed to increase the score, Dave took it and he also benefited from it.
As Dave showed improvement, the people working in his office noticed a difference in him. Those who worked with him said that Dave has become more determined and hardworking than before. Whenever there was a big flaw in Dave's team, Dave would get angry, then he would start looking for a solution.
Tina is a marketing manager and has a self-awareness score of 69. People who worked with him saw that Tina could not work at all under pressure and used to get very upset. Tina used to let her emotions dominate herself and take out her irritations over others. It would be better for her if she knew her habits better and worked on them.
Self-awareness strategies:
It is difficult to tell whether the stage you are in is self-awareness or not. This line is not visible. The journey of self-awareness is a lifetime. It is about identifying yourself by looking inside yourself.
When you are not in touch with your emotions, then all these emotions come out strangely. Sometimes it even surprises you because sometimes it suddenly comes out without telling you. You get surprised when even a small "no" bothers you for several days or when someone makes a slight mess, you get very angry. That is, your feelings do not match any of your situations. This shows that you have to do something about it.
Whenever it comes to self-awareness, you have to be honest with yourself. When you start paying attention to your own things that you did not know about earlier, then understand that you are on the right path. For example, you may feel that you are venting your anger on someone else. In other situations, you may realize that you make things bigger than necessary.
Authors have told about a strategy to help you become self-aware. This is the strategy - "Observe the Ripple Effect".
Just like a stone falling in water, your emotions create ripples in other people. A ripple is born when a manager shouts at one of his employees in front of all the other employees and insults him. It seems that only the employee who was initiated has been affected, but it is not so. All those employees who were present there also felt as if they too were scolded. Everyone spends the whole day thinking that they do not know when to face the anger of the boss.
You should remember that your emotions affect not only you but also other people. Observe the ripple effect of your emotions above other people. People who have been affected by your emotions, you can also ask those people how they felt. When you are able to understand the effects of your emotions, then you will know what kind of ripple you want to make on people.
The Second Dimension of Emotional Intelligence: Self-Management
Self-management depends on your self-awareness. This is your ability to use your awareness for your emotions. Whenever there is talk of your emotions, you use it in a very flexible way. This is to show your habits in a way that has a good effect on yourself and others.
In simple language, self-management is to know how you can manage the emotional reaction associated with everything. Emotion can spoil your decision-making power, so knowing how to rid yourself of these situations is a big skill.
Self-management is also about delaying meeting the needs of some of your moments. Like, maybe now your mind is trying to abuse your colleague whom you do not like. You can delay this momentary need or stop yourself from fulfilling it because you have to get other important goals.
In such a situation you will not be angry with that colleague because you have more important goals such as completing a project. It is not easy to stop yourself, so your commitment to self-management will be tested again and again. You will get success only when you will not let these momentary needs dominate you.
In the EQ test, the self-management score of Lane, a healthcare administrator, is 93. Those who work with Lane say that even in the midst of the heated debate, Lane remains calm and understanding. Lane remains absolutely calm even when his emotions dominate the rest of the people. When a difficult task like an employee has to be removed from work, then the lane is very sensitive and does not talk about it clearly. In a Crisis situation, many people come near the lane.
Mei, a regional sales director, has a self-management score of 61. When Mei is in a bad mood, all the people in the office are affected by her mood. Negativity is seen from them. Because he is a leader, everyone is stressed because of him.
Self-management strategies:
Self-management is not just about controlling your emotions. Authors compare our emotion to a volcano. Before the lava erupts, there is a lot of stirring beneath the volcano's surface. In the same way, before anger erupts, a lot goes on inside you. You have to pay attention to these emotions. Of course, self-management cannot happen without self-awareness. Identify what you are feeling. You cannot respond to your feelings until you feel your feelings.
When you self-manage yourself, then you prepare a path of success for yourself. It also means that now you will not disappoint others, or they will not hate you. Many good things come out when you know about your own emotions (self-awareness) and you know how to respond to these emotions (self-management).
You can control your complicated problem and find your goal. Self-management also brings flexibility to you. You will react properly in the situation of any change and you will not get angry. This helps you in taking the right and productive decision.
Authors adjust a strategy - create a list of emotion versus region.
By creating a list of Emotion versus Reason, you get help in taking the right decision. Mostly the fight between your emotions and your logical mind goes on. Both sides pull you towards them. If you do not understand which side you should go to, then you have to take a paper and draw a line in the middle.
By making a list, your mind will be able to see clearly. Write in the right side column what your emotions are asking you to do. Write in the left column what the mind giving you reason is saying. After this, ask yourself a question as to where your emotion is surrounding your judgment and, where your logical mind is ignoring the signal of your emotion.
You may have experienced such a moment when you have allowed your feelings to come in your way. However, it is also not right to always be logical. With this, you feel and act like a robot. Next time, when you do not understand in which direction you should go, then you should take the help of this list. With this, you can organize your thoughts and get a better decision.
The Third Dimension of Emotional Intelligence: Social Awareness
It is like self-awareness, but this time it is about other people, when you know the emotions of other people and understands why they are feeling like this. This can be very difficult to do, especially when the feelings of Auro do not match your thoughts and feelings. If you think about the feelings of others, then it helps you to focus. It also helps you to gather the information that you did not see before.
There are two elements of social awareness - listening and watching carefully means observing. If you have to do both these things correctly, then you should stop talking and stop thinking about your next argument as well. You should let go of selfish concerns. Recognize the needs of others, listen to others and pay attention to them, then you will understand their feelings.
Alphonso is a pharmaceutical sales manager and his social -awareness score is 96. They understand the feelings of others, the office people praise them a lot. For this reason, he was able to improve his relationship with others. That is why many people are also his faithful. Alphonso is a big hit even among clients and they remain the customers of their store.
Cragg is an attorney with a social awareness score of 55. The way they treat the people who work with them, that is how their score gets revealed. Everyone says that Cragg should be a patient and thinker of others. This clearly shows that Cragg has absolutely no understanding of the feelings and thinking of others. What people are saying, Cragg gives just as much attention so that he can answer them. Actually, crags don't listen to people, which is a very disappointing thing. In front of people, Cragg's identity has become such that it shows that he does not include the input of others at all.
Social awareness strategies:
Self-awareness is to look inside yourself and know yourself. Self-awareness is to look outside and learn about people. Being socially aware will help you understand the experiences of others. Why is it so important? Because you will learn to strengthen your relationship. With this, you will get to know someone better and more.
Social awareness occurs when you know that you cannot ask for help right now because your friend's mood is not working right now. This happens when you go to a lonely student because you know he has to make friends. Social Awareness helps you to understand things not spoken by the words of people, such as understanding body language.
Here is a strategy that can make you socially aware - that is to look at body language.
Many of us say something and we mean something else. Seeing the body language of the people, understanding them makes things clear for us. Body language never lies. Seeing this, you can easily understand what the front is actually feeling. Once you understand this, then you know what you have to say or what to give a response.
To read a person, read his entire body language. Start with that person's eyes. Eyes say a lot. However, you do not have to stare too much, otherwise, people will be afraid of you. Keeping regular eye contact makes people appear to be trustworthy and honest, and those who break their eye contact may mean they are restless or cheating.
Someone's smile also says a lot. That smile is a true smile if, during the smile, the edges of the eyes become wrinkled. If not made, it may be that the smile is false. Looking at the body, understand if his posture is stressed or relaxed. Once you learn these correctly, you will start focusing not only on the things of the people but also on their body language.
The Fourth Dimension of Emotional Intelligence: Relationship Management
Relationship management requires EQ skills, which we mentioned earlier. This is EQ skills - self-awareness, self-management, and social awareness. To manage your relationship successfully, you should know your own emotions and then others too. Relationship management has many advantages. It helps you to communicate better so that you can make a better connection with others. The more you improve your relationship management, the more you will feel its impact. You will find that you are understanding others better now, and you will also understand how to treat others. If you want to change something in the treatment, then they will also be able to do it.
If you cannot connect a relationship with someone, then you will find it difficult to keep your talk in front of them. People will listen to you, for this you will have to practice relationship management. This is very difficult to do, especially in stressful situations.
A study conducted by Auther found that 70% of the participants had difficulty in handling stress. So it is not surprising that it is not easy to build a relationship, especially in a place of work where stress levels are very high. People are raging and uncontrollable. Some people do not want to talk about work or do it, then they do it without will. Some people are not active and think that the atmosphere of stress is beyond their control. Relationship management can save you from all these situations.
Gayle is a Chief Financial Officer and has a Relationship Management Score of 95. People who work with him feel that he can talk with Gail anytime. Gail understands others well and gives people a safe environment to talk sensitively. Gail has a very close and professional relationship with her workmates.
When it comes to elevating people, Gail never forgets to praise those who do good work. Even if you have made a mistake, Gail does not let you down but instead asks you to learn from that mistake.
Drew is a sales manager with a Relationship Management score of 66. Those who worked with him saw that Drew believed those people who did not agree with him. Drew used to do this only in front of everyone, which caused a ripple effect on other people. It used to be that the employee who Drew considered a threat to himself, other people also started to consider him as a threat. Because of their thinking, instead of teaching people, they create a rift between people.
Relationship Management Strategies:
It takes a lot of energy and effort to work on a relationship. There is a lot of fret in doing this, but applying it to handle it will only help. Remember that relationship management requires another EQ dimension. You have to be self-aware about your feelings. You use self-management to express your feelings to others. In the end, what the front wants and is feeling, with the help of social-awareness, they give their response on it.
The strategy that the author has given to improve his relationship management is to remain open and have a desire to know. Yes, it is not easy to know the people who work with you. You can also panic. However, maintaining your relationship with the people is a part of your job.
Opening with those who work with you is the first step for you. You tell them about yourself. If you are unconfirmed to open too much, then start with only small things. When people start getting to know about you, they will never misunderstand you.
For the exam, if someone comes late during your presentation, then the anger on your face will be visible and people will feel that you are nervous and strict. But, if you have already told everyone that you were in the army first, then they will know what time means for you.
Being open and wanting to know is like a two-way street. You should know more about people so that they do not misunderstand you. Ask people questions about them and show their interest in their answers as well. Do not ask questions that judge the people as much as possible. For the exam, if you ask someone, "Why did you study Philosophy after all?", The front will start to feel unconfirmed and defensive. Instead of asking like this, you should ask - "Wow! Philosophy. What do you like most about it?" Your tone will sound friendly and it will also treat you in a friendly way.
CONCLUSION:
You learned about emotional intelligence, that is, EQ. Your EQ has a big role in getting success. Emotional intelligence is your ability to understand the emotions of yourself and others. You use this ability to improve yourself and your relationship.
Your EQ has four dimensions - self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.
Self-awareness is to know what emotion you are feeling in every situation. You are able to face your feelings because you know that by doing this you can know yourself even better.
Self-management depends on your self-awareness. You know your emotional reaction, so you do not let it dominate you. By managing yourself properly, you can avoid making a decision in a hurry. With this, you can stop yourself from saying the things that you do not want to say.
Social awareness is like self-awareness, but it is about others. There are two ways to recognize and understand the feelings of others: to listen to them and to observe them. If you listen to others, it is not just because you have to talk with them. Observe their behaviour so that you know how you can approach them.
Relationship management requires all EQ skills. It takes time to build a good relationship, but it has many benefits. By using self-awareness and social awareness, you put emotions in their place. Then, you communicate by moving ahead of it. Relationship management also means solving conflicts better.
It is not easy to work on yourself and your relationship with others. Anyway, we all have different views and personalities. But, all this is important because it makes you a better person. Not only this, you open yourself up to opportunities and relationships.
You should not stop working on yourself. To build a relationship, always remember that no man can live alone like an island. You may feel that you can do everything alone but it is not possible to do so. The connection we make with others makes our life meaningful and satisfying. Improve yourself because you deserve it. Others should also look their best.
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